On game shows, some people will take the trip to France, but most people will take the washer dryer pair.

Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.

When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?

Only when we eat up this planet will God give us another. We'll be remembered more for what we destroy than what we create.

We are all self-composting.

When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves.

You have to keep recycling yourself.

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct.

You spend your entire life becoming God and then you die.

When you don't share your problems, you resent hearing the problems of other people.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.